She Annoys the Hell Out of Him
by valentinescloak
Summary: One-shots which try to show Vincent and Yuffie's strange friendship...and perhaps something more.  They are so different, so why does he put up with her?  May have T ratings but I will always post warnings.
1. Chapter 1

~She Annoys the Hell Out of Him~

She annoys the hell out of him, everyone can see that. How does he put up with her? _Why_ does he put up with her? Everyone is sure that one day he will snap. The consequence will be tragic but at least materia will no longer have to be kept under constant vigilance.

Yuffie Kisaragi is a Princess and a Ninja, the White Rose of Wutai. Everyone knows this. Why? Because she constantly reminds them of the fact. When she says good morning, when she asks for breakfast, when she begs Tifa to give her a drink though she is underage, when she argues with Cid, and when she says good night.

She's staying at Seventh Heaven. "Nothing permanent of course, Tifa, I just need a place to, uh, lie low for a while." For Tifa the more the merrier, but Strife sighs because inside he knows that he could be out of office space for several months, if not more. And Yuffie giggles because she knows he's right.

This morning she oversleeps her alarm because last night she was out doing ninja things, _completely_ innocent of course, nothing to do with that materia she saw in the store window yesterday afternoon. She bounces down the stairs and finds Cid and Red chatting with Tifa in the empty bar. "The White Rose of Wutai smiles upon her people and wishes them a good day!"

"I'm not one of your freaking people," growls Cid.

Yuffie sticks out her tongue at him and turns to Tifa. "Morning, Teefs! You look good today—seriously it's unfair, you always look good, why can't I be like her, Red? I mean, I'm the princess!"

Tifa smiles. "Good morning, Yuffie. You slept late. And the answer is no."

Yuffie looks at her innocently. "What're you talking about? Cid, what's she talking about? And where's the resident chocobo?"

"How the heck am I supposed to know?" Cid asks. Last night he and Shera picked a date for their wedding and he is feeling particularly cheerful.

Just then Cloud drifts in. "Someone looking for me?" After the incident with the Remnants and his latest showdown with Sephiroth, the SOLDIER look-a-like has definitely lightened up some, not much of course but at least he doesn't mind being called a chocobo anymore.

"I'm off to make that delivery to Kalm. I should be back late tonight." Cloud hesitates; Red licks his paws and Cid studies his coffee intently. The swordsman glances at them and then quickly kisses Tifa, who blushes. Yuffie makes a face.

"Alrighty folks, no need to get mushy. Bleh. Hey Tifa, could I get a drink then? Maybe a vodka straight up?" And the ninja stoops to the puppy-dog-eyes trick.

Cloud stares at her. "It's ten o'clock in the morning, Yuffie."

Yuffie tilts her head. "So?"

At this moment the door opens and a figure from one of the Gothic horror stories that Wutaian princesses are not (theoretically) allowed to read steps inside. Flowing black hair falls in front of the man's face and a crimson cape threatens to swallow him whole. The figure stands like a statue then bends its head in Tifa's direction. She is the woman of the house after all.

Despite the glowing red eyes, the pointed shoes, a metallic golden gauntlet (at least that's what Yuffie _thinks_ it is), and a wicked looking gun at the being's side Tifa smiles at him. This is no enemy but a good friend. Cloud nods a greeting and Cid barks a hello. A happy sound rumbles from Red's throat.

But Yuffie lights up like the blaze from one of Rude's famous explosives. "VINNIE! Where have you been? I haven't seen you in ages!" And she throws herself in his direction, clasping him in her arms and squeezing him in a way that would have wrung the life out of anyone else.

"Hello, Yuffie," Valentine replies in a monotone. He extricates his pinned arms. "Would you mind letting me go? It is difficult to move this way."

It would be too much to hope for that Yuffie would be embarrassed but she lets go of him anyway, all except for his right hand. (She would never admit it but she still isn't comfortable touching his…gauntlet.) She pulls him further into the bar and up to the counter.

"Come on, Vin, we've only seen you twice since the celebration after Sephy was killed and you left the party early anyways so that doesn't count."

"Anyway," Vincent corrects automatically.

"Anyway, you didn't finish your drink. You just left it sitting there. It was bad enough that you only stayed at the party for half an hour but, Vince, do you know the rejection that poor thing had to deal with?"

At this Strife shoots Vincent a look of utmost pity and slips out to perform his delivery. He does not wish to be caught up in more of Yuffie's foolishness. On the other hand Tifa and Red are clearly amused. Cid guffaws loudly.

"It was beer."

"So?" Yuffie glares at the gunman. "It's alcohol, isn't it?"

"…I don't drink beer. It is not to my taste."

"But you left it unfinished! It didn't reach its full potential!"

Vincent sighs quietly and asks himself why he is having this conversation. The beings inside of him are annoyed. _Who is this? What is this worthless drivel? Kill it, kill this talk, kill this creature! Why do you put up with this? Destroy it, Valentine, before it destroys us!_

"VINCENT!"

He jerks to attention. Yuffie is standing on her tiptoes a few inches from him, as close to his face as she can get. Which isn't that close, considering the height difference. "Don't you realize that beer can have feelings too?"

Valentine looks at her, confused.

"Have you heard anything I've said? I thought vampires were supposed to have extra special senses!"

"Yuffie, I am not a vampire."

"Oh yes you are, I know it and someday I'll show you a mirror and then you'll see for yourself. I mean, you won't see yourself. In the mean time I think you need a drink, you don't look like you've slept much recently. Why don't you take care of yourself?" She looks mad, but her eyes shine impishly as she shoves him onto a bar stool.

Vincent isn't entirely amused but for now he can no longer hear the monsters inside of him so he may as well have a drink. Even if it is ten o'clock in the morning. And besides, the phrase _not entirely amused_ leaves room for a little amusement, right?

"Very well. Tifa, may I ask you for a glass of your best red wine?"

"While you're at it Teef, could ya get me one? I mean, I am a Princess!"

"No," Tifa says. Yuffie pouts, and Vincent's lips twitch.

So why _does_ Vincent put up with Yuffie? Everyone thinks she irritates him. Actually, she annoys the hell out of him. For that he is eternally grateful.

**A/N. None of this is mine, unfortunately. This is the first story I have posted, so please review. All criticism will be appreciated. Suggestions for improvement will be appreciated and any compliments will be cherished. Cookies will be sent to those who review. :) If you flame me I will probably cry and then ask Vincent to hunt you to the ground. Thank you.**


	2. Torment of the Mind

**Disclaimer: FF7 and its characters don't belong to me, yadda yadda yadda. More's the pity. **** Oh yeah, and the definition for epic comes from good old Wikipedia.**

**Rating: I'd say this one might more of a T. Just to be safe. There's some darkness here. Poor Vinnie. No language to worry about though.**

Torture of the Mind

_**Vincent.**_

___…_

_**Vincent.**_

___…_

_**Vincent. You can hear me. I know you can hear me.**_

v-

The demons are always there. Dormant at times, but always there. They whisper to him, remind him of things he will never forget. It amuses them. It's hellish and he hates them, but he listens to them. Because he is afraid of forgetting. As if that were possible.

v-

_**Vincent.**_

___…_

_** Vincent.**_

___…_

_**Vincent. You can hear me. I know you can hear me.**_

___What if I can? _

_**Ah, see, I knew you could. And you can speak as well. What a pleasant surprise.**_

_ … _

_**Failure. You are a wretched mess. You are weak. Stupid. Pathetic. Shall I go on?**_

___No._

_**But I'm just getting started. Yesterday I heard a most apt phrase. A bit too modern for my usual taste but it just fits you so well. Shall I tell you what it is?**_

___If you must._

_**Epic fail. Like I said, a perfect fit for you. Epic, as in a grand scale. Epic, as in**__** a lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events significant to a culture or nation. I would say Sephiroth has been fairly significant, to the entire planet even. Your fault. And the word **__**fail**__**—that's you all over.**_

___I know._

_**You are no hero. You are a monster. You were a Turk. You have done unspeakable things. Think of all the blood you've spilled. Blood…the tears spilled because of you. Sephiroth killed so many people. All because of you. **_

___I know, I know! Must you keep beating it into me? _

_**Do you want to forget?**_

___Of course not. Just—_

_**Then listen to me. I am helping you do your penance. Wretch. Murderer.**_

___I am listening._

_**What are you?**_

___A failure. Pathetic. A murderer. A—_

"Well, what do ya know! If it isn't old Vinnie! Whatcha doing up on the roof in the middle of the night? Star-gazing?"

"—Yuffie?"

"Yup! In the flesh! Isn't this your lucky night?"

_**Tell me it isn't that stupid ninja brat again? Yuffie whatsername?**_

___I thought I told you never to speak her name. _ "I cannot say, Yuffie. The stars are numerous and beautiful though."

_**Like Lucrecia. Her eyes were bright like stars once. Before you came along.**_

_They were bright after I came, too. I wasn't the one who killed the light. _

_**But you, you weakling, you didn't stop him. You let him draw her in with all that talk of science. You never told her you loved her. So she married Hojo.**_

"Don't!"

"Uh…Vince, you doing OK? Cuz I thought you liked dark chocolate. But if you really don't want a piece, then I won't offer it. More for me."

"I'm sorry, Yuffie, I…do not feel like eating right now."

"Your loss, buddy! Speaking of losses, yesterday I kinda went to watch the chocobo races with Denzel and Marlene, but I got bored sitting around so I placed a bet on the ugliest one to see what would happen. And you know what?"

_**How can you stand this thing you are conversing with? Transform, why don't you, and I will remove it from your presence. Don't deny she irritates you.**_

___I will not allow you to interact with her. I don't know if—_

_**-if you are strong enough to keep me in check? You aren't. You are weak at everything. You are too weak to protect the brat from me if I gain control and you were too weak to kill Hojo when you had the chance. So Lucrecia married him and had Sephiroth. They experimented on him and you were too weak to stop that. **_

___I…I tried…_

___**Amusing isn't it? You, who are numbered now among the heroes of Avalanche, who helped Strife fight the Remnants, it was your fault that Sephiroth needed to be fought in the first place, your fault that everyone's favorite flower girl was killed several years ago, your fault that Geostigma destroyed so many lives, your fault that Strife briefly joined the Lifestream. **_

_ My fault._

___**Your fault. Your fault. All yours. Wretch. Murderer. Vincent Valentine: synonymous with blood, darkness, pain, grief, guilt, and death. But never your own death. No. You will live forever. Forever in despair and regret. You—**_

__"Vincent Valentine! In the word of Reno, yo! Have you heard anything I've said to you?

"…"

"Well? Open your trap! Cat got your tongue? Cotton in your ears? Speak!"

"I'm sorry, Yuffie. I…I've been occupied in my mind."

"Huh, the voices talking to you again? Try poking your ears with q-tips. I hear that helps.

"Yuffie."

"Well, it was on the internet, anyways. So it's gotta be true."

"Anyway. And no, it doesn't."

"Whatever. Hey, Vin-turk, you wanna go see a movie with me tomorrow? It's a film adaption of _Loveless_. Come on, we'll have fun. Even if it's horrible, we can always go materia ste—er—shopping. Or just sit in the theater and shoot M&M's at people with rubber bands. Don't worry, the ushers can't see who's doing it in the dark. Pleeeease, Vinnie, please say yes!"

"Yuffie…" _What else can I say with that look on her face? But why does she even bother to try? I cannot understand why she does not go bother someone else. Chaos? No derogatory reply? Chaos? _

"Gosh, Vin, are you brooding again? You better not be, or I'll have to challenge you to a game of who can jump off the roof and fall four stories without breaking a bone. And then when you lose I'll have to take you to the hospital because I left my cure materia at home and I really don't think I can carry you all that way, unless you feel like transforming into one of the beasties, which you probably won't because you hate doing that in front of me. So stop brooding already!"

_He is gone. Hmm, maybe I will begin inviting Yuffie here more often. Or perhaps not. But the silence within is so…peaceful. _"Very well, Yuffie. I will stop brooding. And tomorrow I will go to see _Loveless_ with you. We will not, however, be firing candy at the other viewers. Am I clear?" 

"Clear as crystal, killjoy. Seriously."

"One more thing, Yuffie. What are you doing on my rooftop in the first place? Not hunting materia, I hope."

"Materia, heh-heh, never, of course not! Not on your life! I just wanted to watch the sunrise with you. It's a bit cold though, so if you could just put your huge, handy cape around me like so—perfect! A beautiful sunrise, whaddya say, Vinnie old boy?"

"Hnn. Beautiful."

v-

The ninja has a special gift, a knack of annoying the hell out of him. Unfortunately, after a day of fun at the movies, where she actually _did_ manage to drive people wild looking out for flying M&M's before Vincent took away her rubber bands, Yuffie returned to Seventh Heaven and the gunman returned to his own home, left alone again. But not for long.

v-

_**Vincent.**_

___…_

_** Vincent.**_

___…_

_**Vincent. You can hear me. I know you can hear me.**_

**A.N. Wow. That took me forever to get started on. At first it wasn't going to be all dialogue or mostly dialogue but I couldn't figure out how to begin the story and then I didn't mean to be all depressing at the end but it just kind of happened. :\ Sorry about that Vincent. But you're just so much fun to torture… I had a hard time writing him though. For some reason Yuffie is easier. Please let me know how I did, especially with Chaos. I love reviews, will respond to them, and will give you tons and tons of cookies. I appreciate any criticism you can give me, good or bad. Just no flames. A certain deadly ex-Turk will be put on the trail of flamers. ;)**


	3. One More Sin Upon His Soul

**Disclaimer: Do not own and never will. **

**Rating: We'll say T. I don't think it's as dark as the second chapter but it isn't as light as the first.**

One More Sin Upon His Soul

otherwise known as

Tifa Gives Yuffie a Drink

It's eight in the evening and she is so freaking mad at him…

-v-

Yuffie is bouncing all over Seventh Heaven, bugging the patrons and whacking the back of Highwind's head every time she passes him.

"Yuffie!" Cid yells. "You hit me one more time and I swear I'll—" and he bites his tongue because Shera is glaring at him. "What?" he barks.

"She doesn't mean any harm, she's just trying to get under your skin. And you need to learn to control yourself, I plan on having six children after we get married and you _will _be a good example for them!"

Cid gapes at her and flushes a bright red as Yuffie grins maddeningly at him. She whirls away from the table and hops over to the bar.

"So Tifa! Making lots of drinks tonight? You might want to keep an eye on that fat old guy over by the door, he's so drunk he grabbed poor Red a moment ago when he tried to slip outside and then asked him for a dance! He's lucky he didn't get his head ripped off."

Suddenly Yuffie glimpses a flicker of crimson in her peripheral vision. It's Vincent Valentine. He sits in the darkest corner of Seventh Heaven, _his _corner. The ninja calls it the Vampire's Lair, and it's a known fact that no one, absolutely no one, is ever allowed to sit there or to even dream of joining the ex-Turk unless specifically summoned. It's also a known fact that Yuffie is the only one who ever dares to violate said rule. Barret and Cid have a bet going on how many infractions it will take before Vincent snaps and employs capital punishment.

"Is that Vinnie? When did he get here, Teef?"

Tifa doesn't even glance up from the Grateful Dead she is mixing. "Oh, about an hour ago."

"What? How come he didn't say hi to me?" Yuffie crosses her arms. The creep. See if she ever talks to him again or tries to cheer him up the next time he goes on about that stupid chick he had a crush on a century ago.

Her head turns as Strife walks in and the fat drunk grabs at his hand and whispers something about beautiful blond hair. The swordsman blinks, wrenches the man out of his chair, and throws him out of Seventh Heaven. Tifa hides her laughter but for Yuffie it's just too much and she collapses on the counter giggling hysterically. Cloud glares at her and shuts her up the next instant _by walking straight over to Vincent and sitting down at his table!_

Yuffie hiccups and stops giggling because she swears Vinnie never beckoned to chocobo-head, yet he doesn't seem at all put out by Cloud's arrival and even starts talking with him quietly.

Yuffie is speechless. _This soooo isn't right. The two most silent men in the world are holding a conversation? For two minutes straight? Now three? Leviathan, four! If that was me he wouldn't have opened his mouth!_ She stews angrily and by the time Cloud gets up and leaves, Valentine is in mortal danger.

-v-

Unaware of the incoming storm, Vincent considers the information Cloud just gave him. Apparently Rufus has offered to give Strife access to certain records on the experimentation of Sephiroth; he has even hinted that he could give them more knowledge of the Remnants. Top-secret files might contain highly valuable information about Sephiroth…perhaps they could help ascertain whether the man is finally dead or if he can ever truly die.

Vincent furrows his brow and swirls the dark red wine in his glass. _Cloud is right though. Rufus would never hand out free information. He will want something in return. What? A favor from Cloud? Or does the scheming Shinra realize that Cloud would know something of my connection to Sephiroth and discuss the offer with me? What could Rufus want from me?___

_** Me.**_

_** Me.**_

_** Blood. I can rip his enemies apart. Ah, blood, I can taste it now!**_

_** Silence fools! Vincent, he would want me, Chaos. He has access to Hojo's files. He knows what power you hold in you. The power of all hell.**_

Vincent sips his wine and ignores the clamoring voices in his head. _Of course, there is still the unlikely possibility that he could genuinely wish to help us. _

Chaos gives a harsh laugh. _**That would only happen on the day that Lucrecia waltzes into Seventh Heaven, tells you your nightmarish life really is only a bad dream and asks you to carry her off into the sunset.**_

__Vincent flinches. _Leave me be. I did not ask for your input._

_**I give it anyway. **_

__"Vincent Valentine! You are a jerk and if you think I will ever forgive you—Vince!"

The ex-Turk looks up to see an irate ninja standing in front of his table, waving her arms frantically.

_**Don't turn from me, Valentine. **_

__"You think you can march right in here without saying hello to one of your best friends and sit for a whole hour not saying a word to anyone and get away with it?" Yuffie stops to take a breath.

Vincent stares at her.

"And then chocobo-head! How could you, Vince?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

His voice is deep and rough and makes Yuffie's heart forget to beat for a second, but it's only one second because right now he is the enemy and there is no way she is going to let him get away with his crimes. "You let him talk to you!"

"Yuffie," Vincent begins, irritated, "conversing with Cloud has never been a capital offense."

"It is when he enters the Vampire's Lair! Cloudy should be dead! You're supposed to kill anyone who enters without an invitation!"

The demons in his head are muttering to themselves and Vincent is about fed up. He growls, "First, I'm not a vampire, therefore this cannot be a vampire's lair. Second, Cloud is someone who speaks only when there is something important to say. If he sits at my table I assume it is for a good reason. It was. However, I cannot say the same for you." The instant he says this he knows he's gone too far. Tears well up in Yuffie's eyes and she brushes them away angrily.

"Fine!" she shrieks. "I know you don't want to talk to me right now. So sorry to intrude upon the brood-about-Lucrecia-because-I-couldn't-stop-her-from-making-the-stupid-choice-to-marry-that-creepy-scientist corner!" She is so upset because he doesn't take her seriously ever and doesn't realize that she has a crush on him and would rather talk to Cloud than her. Talk about ouch. So Yuffie storms out of the bar into the dark street, leaving shocked customers and a worried Tifa behind.

Vincent is taken aback at the ninja's vehemence and berates himself for his stupidity. He rises out of his chair and follows her swiftly, ignoring the threats of bodily harm Cid sends his way.

-v-

The ex-Turk hurries down an alley. He swears he caught a glimpse of Yuffie disappearing around the corner, but she is still nowhere to be found. Nevertheless he is sure she is here. So he apologizes.

"Yuffie, I don't know if you can hear me. But I wish to apologize for what I said. It was inconsiderate and…untrue. You are a good friend, Yuffie, and you put up with a lot to be that. And as a friend, no matter how trivial your conversations may be, they are always important." Vincent scanned the darkness carefully. He still couldn't see the ninja but he had one more thing to say. "If you would care to join me, I shall be occupying the Vampire's Lair for another hour or so. And…don't be afraid of me, I encountered several creatures this afternoon and have had my fill of blood."

He isn't one hundred percent sure but he can almost swear he hears a muffled giggle.

-v-

It is nine o'clock when Vincent apprehensively reenters Seventh Heaven.

"Well if it isn't *hic* Vinnie Vin himself!" And there is Yuffie, sprawled out over a chair in _his_ corner. With a drink. What was Tifa thinking? "Hey, Vince! Why don't you come join me?"

He walks over to her, unsure.

"Sit down, old man, before your creaky bones crumble away to dust. Or as a vampire are you frozen in a standing position?"

He smirks a little. Everything is back to normal. "Yuffie, where did you get that?"

"Oh this?" Yuffie chuckles conspiratorially. "I think Tifa's getting old. She left a drink on the counter and forgot about it. Have a sip?"

_More like she's getting soft_, thinks Vincent. And sure enough, he glances over at Tifa and she winks at him. So Tifa _is_ relenting about Yuffie drinking. The world is coming to an end. Wonderful. Just one more sin upon his soul.

**A/N. Well. I can't decide if I like what happened to this chapter. I started out knowing exactly what was going to occur and then it kinda…changed. So please tell me if it was any good! All criticism is welcome, good or bad. I don't want to be flamed but if you do it's ok because it is COLD here. :) Oh, yeah I don't know much about Shera so I totally made it up when she said she wanted six kids. I really have no idea how she feels about them. I hope I didn't make Vincent or Yuffie OOC. Go ahead and tell me how to fix it if I did!**

**Also, sorry it took me so long to write another story. I've been really busy. I swear I shall not take so long again! Thanks those who reviewed my previous two chapters, reading your thoughts inspired me to get typing again!**


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